Maybes, ifs and next time.

Thanks for all the love, care, concern, sweet nothings, presents, surprises you have showered me the past year.. Those were the happiest times of my life despite all the traumatising events from my family. Thanks to your family who have loved me too.. for all the words of concern they have given..

Sorry for you not feeling secure and loved. I know nothing about you, know nothing about your expectations of a girlfriend. I thought i had done it right this time round.. but still no. You said i never seem interested to know, but you never seem like u wanted to tell me. I agree there were times u wanted so much to share your joy and sorrows with me but i weren't around.. Too late. The last time you wanted to share your joy, i was doing my facial. The last time you wanted to surprise me, my phone died. The last time you wanted to share your sorrow, you shut yourself out and cried all by yourself. Thanks for all the changes you have made for me.. no thanks to me for not doing anything right..

you're right, everything's too late now. Sorry for all the pressure felt..

maybe it's in my character.. i never like to bother anyone if i can take the stress/problem/pressure by myself.. When you ask me to speak, i was never quite sure of what to say.. I'm just quiet. You may say why i can laugh with my friends and seem so happy and engrossed.. I can say.. i'm usually not the one talking.. I always believed that silence shouldn't bother couples. I'm just glad you're here with me. When i hold you in my arms, and when we walk down hand-in-hand, there's a kind of simplicity in the happiness and love felt which gives me so much strength and motivation. I'm sorry i don't have a colourful life to tell you about.. to share with you..

I thought things would have changed.. and i believed so much in us.. but *pOof* everything's gone now.. but i'll be fine.. LY is strong, and perhaps independent. I will step into the future bravely! For everything that comes your way, will leave you one day too. ( :


thanks, for all the beautiful memories. whether you read this or not, i wish you all the very best.. in the pursuit of your dreams and aspirations. Thank you...

As one grows older and gets in touch with more people, the more things u'll tend to see.. about people's aspirations, motivation, their purpose in life (self-proclaimed or not). And all these deeply affects one's actions and the journey that the person would decide to take.

Most people aren't born with a silver (or even metal one) spoon in their mouths. So tada!! they study for the sake of 'paper-chasing' (or some may argue for the upgrading and enhancement of one's development), then they go on to work for a few years.. Got some money and support, starts up a business. Initial motivation - get rich so they can enjoy their lives fufilling their materialistic needs and wants. The years go by, their buisness expands, and they earn some millions a year. So happy that they are so successful, they do not stop. Many do not even live to spend the money they earn!?! ridiculous, isn't it? They carry on to hold on to this idea that ' i can definitely earn more!! ', and start to do things that aren't that moral, that's why they say u can never be soft-hearted being a businessman, or as an entrepreneur. It's a 'DOG-eat-DOG' world. Sometimes it's really sad! Has our world, our wonderful earth, and its earthly beings resorted to such cruel and harsh means to survive?! Human beings cause misery upon themselves! Power does play a big part i must say. Let's say, rice trade, oil trade... The earth has had a rich and abundant supply of such things that are rather essential to our survival needs. The rich and the powerful had turned it around and make them profitable products and earn so much from trading etc. And there you go, the rice just gets traded, bought, and stored by a country's government for emergency while billions of people are starving out there.

Here, the HIV positive kids and adults, those villagers without medical aid, are suffering! While over there we are celebrating success in RnD and advancement of sciences and technologies. A Breakthrough in the Medicine field! OF course i'm not suggesting we shouldn't do all these, but what's the point when nothing is done to improve the GLOBAL situation? What's the point of sending small and infrequent groups to do small projects that may cost alot but aren't that beneficial to the local people? Are we there to pity? to gain experience and exposure? to have fun? What are we there for?!!?! Of course i can't deny that such expedition groups bring much excitement and interests for the villagers..but in a few months, in years to come, they'll forget.. the memories will fade..

So i would call this... a misallocation of resources. Between people, between countries, between different cultures... Some live in excess while other live in serious deficit. Why should the innocent suffer?? It's no wonder the rich gets richer and the poor get poorer. They're all stuck in their own cycles... till someone/something/some organisation is able to forgo all differences and selfishness to sincerely distribute the resources more evenly. (i'm not suggesting communism, it's a matter of human rights.) It's gonna be a long wait... it's mind boggling, even for the UN.


Living a simple life isn't bad. Sometimes, i just get lost in this big big world. I'd wish to have my own world one day.
I'm glad i'm a Buddhist. And even more glad that Buddha had paved the roads for us... All we have to do is to follow....
but why is it so hard........

Just a little girl in this world, still learning, growing, and experiencing life..
Keeping that little promise and agreement..
trying to be stronger.. ( :

happiness
health
semi-big bag
golden necklace
little miss CLUMSY
more intelligence

forbeautifulwomen

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Mabel
LZ
Joyce Tan
Fabian
JK
Shaheeda