I'm back. I can feel it coming already. It's nearing. The moment is here. And soon, it will pass away. Ultimate freedom. from 2 years of hell. Can't wait to say 'it's over'.

Went to make my IC today..Heng..can do it for free. The second chinese character of my name was wrong..Woah. the new ic is cool man.. Thought the photo that i took was damn ugly, but it turned out fine on the IC. People there were super efficient. Bus came super fast. What a pleasant day. Except for those weird things in my tau huay (beancurd) i ate just now.. haha!

I thought i made an important decision today. I don't know what's holding me back.. Perhaps the lack of security, or the hope of pursuing something better, or maybe i'm afraid to be the one losing in the end.I need some assurance. I need something to convince me that i should commit myself. Maybe.

I'm feeling ultra stressed up. Maybe i don't show it that much..too much to worry about. This totally sucks man.. argh. Can't wait to scream for my freedom..'It's OVER!'

:) imu.i think.

Argh.

Superficial freaks.

Jerks.

haha.

Confidence.

A lot of things are running through my head every second.

My inner soul seems to be so peaceful, yet volatile. I don't think i can ever explain myself well enough..but that's exactly what i'm feeling now..

It's really quite sad to live in the city actually..in this era. Are we really enjoying a better standard of living? Are we happier with the increasing affluence and development? Seriously, i have great doubts about that. True enough, we get to enjoy many many things that were unthinkable in the past. But often we have to make many sacrifices. Many people often forget how to enjoy. how to spend their money.. how to live life to the fullest. Many just work, and work and slog their lives away..

What's with all these paper chase? Why in the first place do people place so much importance of development of the economy etc.. Who was the one who puts so much value on money, fame and power? Why? Why are we being comformed into machines to generate the economy, and if we don't have this ability, we'll be despised. we'll be marginalised. we'll........

What are we looking for in life? A simple request for happiness and freedom seems so difficult. Ironically, that is the case in this urban city. So much for progress and development. Did we gain or lose?

I'm stuck in this complicated world.

Hm.. Let's see. Had econs in the morning.. Time prac. Well, what can i say, either my hands are failing or i was just simply too unfocused. i don't know. As in, i really wanted to put in my 101%. But in the end..well, u guys can guess it lah. After that, went to eat Kuey chap!! Aunty like not in a very good mood leh..so sad..i didn't really get to talk to her.. :(

Went home, wanted to go exercise with sister. We were like deciding between going jogging at ECP or Badminton at Bedok. In the end, guess what, we decided to go for dinner. Lol! Went to eat at circuit road! yummy! haha.. It rocks man. So many vegetarian stores!! haha.. whee~ Eh, then went home and watched tv..then i decided to go jogging. Jogged for like about 21 minutes.. 3 big rounds.. haha. i'm quite proud of myself! i hope i can sustain this habit!! i feel really good man. 21 minutes of peace. Nothing going through my head. Nothing at all.

Hm..Many people have said that girls are rather indecisive esp matters pertaining to rlshps. Well, i guess girls tend to be on the losing end (as it was in the past and still is to a certainly large extent) so they tend to make a lot of considerations and think through very thoroughly before making decision lest their hearts take over the command and do like silly stuff?

Anyway, just wanted to pen it down..

To han: if u still read my blog, lol..hope u're really feeling better. u didn't reply my sms!! :(

Anyway, i think i know the ending already of THE EPISODE. ( k lah, u guys won't understand this)

To joyce(aj): help my fren find more info k.. haha. :) meet up soon!

Yay! meeting mab, joyce and jody and maybe de, plus anna and cyn, maybe ethel tmr! lol..and maybe i can meet my best friend there too..hehe.

that's all for now folks..thanks!

btw! is there a song that bears a title like "hundred years" or something? can't find the lyrics man..

:)

fine!

everythings so screwed. I'm so screwed. The future is so screwed. My life is like totally screwed.

Even the mightiest screw driver can't unscrew my life. what the shit.Fu*k.

What went right at all?

Screw my life.

(forgive me for my lang)

by simple plan.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
Is I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Let's see. went to school today early in the mornming cos i wanted to go for GP time practice. In the end, i decided not to go and went to NUS to study instead.. Hm..Mr Tan Tiek Kwee's leaving AJ. It's only today then i realised that he has really done quite a bit for the school..He's pretty good, just that (in my opinion) lacks interaction with students and lack that touch of hm..friendliness? Anyway, it's never too late to think good of someone..so..yea.. Happy Retirement! Well, this is pretty lame lah, cos he'll never get to read this. But in case u do, pls tag. lol!

Oh well, at least i saw something that i was pleased with today.. Because..
I know very well now that my decision was correct and i'm glad i didn't do something that would have gone against my principle. From what i see, u guys are really good together now, and it's like u guys are really happy tog? So i'm really glad already.. Maybe this means i'll lose a very good friend for good, but well, hopefully time can heal everything..cos if u think about it, would u still remain as upset, as angry and as agitated like say 10 yrs down the road? probably not huh.. Another chapter has passed.. It's time for a new beginning.

Talking about beginning, i'm really really lookin forward to the new beginning of my life after A's man. Sigh. can't wait, yet anxious..cos it's an ultra major examination..true enough, many people have been telling us, like results doesn't really matter, as in it does not serve as an indication of how far one would go in life, but well, u can't deny the fact that it will definitely be much easier with a good grade right.. LY jiayou! and LY friends must jiayou too!!

Oh yar, i'm gg to the party organised by someone lah..haha..for all the JC2s..lol..with CQ Dan they all..quite lookin forward to it tho..haha.. hope it's not anything too disastrous..lol!

I love my family man. my friends esp vege..just felt like penning this down right now.. -hugs-

:)take care guys.

I'm trying to put my emotions aside.. I hope i can. When the night comes, when i'm alone, the feeling wells back into reality. I miss the friendship(s). I miss everything in the past. How i wish i could turn back the time. oR maybe i'll practice selective amnesia..

Last day of school today, as in school day. Hm..Last Pe, Last time stoning in the canteen, last time sitting together on a bench laughing, thinking/doing retarded things.. Hm..maybe for once, maybe i'll miss AJ..and the friendships i guess. I can still vividly remember what happened on the first day of school in AJ lah..haha.. Hm..

Tired. Don't feel like going for time pract tmr leh..see how lah..

Meeting up with veges tmr. cool. take care guys..

Tiring day.

Went NUS with Joyce today..haha..finally got partner to accompany me through the journey..Waited super ultra long for the bus today lah..heng got her then can talk talk. hee. Anyway, Wanted to sleep for a while but joyce woke me up lah.. anw, thanks..if not i'll just remain sleep forever.. okay for the remaining of the day. haha..so..thanks..and thanks for your formula booklet..

Okay, i'm more focused than i was yesterday..Guess life still have to go on huh..Don't deny that it's still bothering me but well, the effects are subsiding already.. :)

Tmr will be having the last PE of my life. How's that? dunno whether to be happy or sad leh actually.. I dread the running, yet looking forward to the games ie badminton. :) haha! and i'll have to clear my locker tmr, and to get back my dividends that Grace helped me to collect today! whee~ savings savings and savings!

*feelings do fade huh?* i dunno what is your stand at this point of time..maybe one day, or rather soon, u'll realise it's all not worth it for me. :)

By the way, help me click my google ad k.. i want more bucks cmin in! :) seeya around guys...

I'm disappointed. like totally. I'm very very upset now.. I never ever expected things to turn out like this at the last moment. I really didn't. And i seriously hoped it didn't. Why.. Why did things turn out like that? I hate this feeling.

Stalked. Totally freaked out and afraid. Don't man. Don't do this to me. It's torturous. Stop it!! Now, this has strained our once simple friendship even further. I don't think i'll ever speak to you ever again.. Why are u hurting me. and disappointing the innocent love and friendship that i have given? Please.. let me go. Just stop right now.. please.

To make things worse, i have aplenty mosquito bites. Argh.

and to you, it's really not worth it... i'm nt what you see me as.. go on, open up your hrt and yea..let things take its course..

and i repeat.

FRIENDSHIPS LAST FOREVER. true ones.

Aye. i've made up my mind.i should refrain from getting myself involved in any relationship other than family kind lah. okay, at least right now, i can say this.Cos..today when i went jiang tang, i learnt a lot of things as in ling wu ba.. Librans are more emotional creatures by nature, and to me, i feel that it would be an impediment to my xiu xing ba.. But anw, some things are always beyond our control huh..

Went out mugging. Better than stayin at home to rot..probably won't achieve anything..Thanks Mr niang for asking me out. lol. k that's supposed to be a joke lah.
talking about jokes, Akrab sent me a funny SMS. It goes like this. "If a 20cm tall king is called an emperor, what do you call a 15cm tall king?" Hint. Rummage through your pencil box.

i'm seriously guilt striken. i really shouldn't have agreed. Aye. Just hope that things don't turn out the way i imagine them to be. seriously. I.. i am simply guilt striken lah. sigh.

and to you, i can only say i'm sorry.

So cool, met up with Mab, Cyn, JC and De yesterday at Popeye's to mugg. De came later cos her intention was to join us for dinner. So we proceeded to the staff canteen to makan. JC suggested thonning. so we were like okay, sounds fun so we thon-ed. haha. i.e. JC, Me, Cyn. It was quite fun lah. but i was rather tired. But at least i did most of the work i expected myself to do.

Then went to school with cyn..haha luckily i've got her, if nt sure end up in boon lay or somewhere near there. lol! so fun. okay. rateeded lah carplu.anyway, she's not gonna read this. lol.

Now, for every math lesson, i'm gonna get a set of Math paper. I do until i want to puke already. As in..When i did math this afternoon, suddenly i just felt very disgusted with math. Argh. Pui. Yucks.

I feel choked again today. REally was on the verge of breaking down again. This false front that i'm putting up.. when is it going to end altogether? i can't take it anymore... i have to like really take note and control my breathing with much effort sometimes, if not i really feel super uncomfortable man.. what's happening to me..

*you gu dan you mei li*
wo xi huan yi ge ren sheng huo.

I seriously think i'm stressed. I've been pondering over it for a long time. And i just comfirmed it while reading Anna's blog a while ago.

i have the following symptoms:-

1.Serious difficulty in breathing
2.Sudden stress and anxiety when i think abt taking the exam paper alone.
3.Fatigue
4.Serious irritability
5.Beginning to be anti-social
6.forgetfullness (maybe, cos maybe i'm a forgetful person to start with?)
7.Feeling depressed (obviously)
8.Demoralised

Sigh. I badly want this ongoing nightmare to go away soon. Get it out of my life. my memory.sucks. to be in it is bad enough. to be immersed in it for 2 whole screwed years is like..ok i got no descriptive word in mind now.

aye. can't wait to meet up with mabs and joyce man.. :))

The canteen anuty is super nice. i love her!! :) i'm going to learn cooking from her. heeeee. whee. take care guys.

There was a time when Richard said
That TT Durai didn't do it, but he did
There was a time when Richard said
That NKF didn't do it, but they did

They built NKF, strong and rich,
reaching out together
For more and more money

It is our money, it is our blood,
It is our kindness, it is our tears,
Don't take our money, to be your bonus
Don't cheat Singapore, Singaporeans

(Sung to " One people, one nation, one Singapore " )
We've built NKF with our brains
With educated people from a rich land
Strangers when we first began,
now we're all con man

Let's reach out for Singapore,
join our hands forevermore

Con people, con nation, con Singapore
That's the way that we believe forevermore
Every dollar and every cent,
every woman and every man
Con people, con nation, con Singapore

And when the time comes for the trial
Say nothing, give only denials
We'll be united, hand in hand
We'll show the world just where we stand
And reach out for Singapore,
join our hands forevermore

( Repeat Chorus twice )

Con people, con nation, con Singapore

hahaha. got this from jac's page. cool huh.

Running by no doubt.

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

[Chorus:]




Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

[Repeat chorus twice]

(The future)

[Repeat chorus]

i almost didn't make it back.

The last entry almost became my very last entry.

The last goodbyes almost really became goodbyes forever.

i almost died.

I was crossing the road at Orchard boulevard there when the green man had flashed.

i stepped out into the road.

And then, this car came at an amazing speed.

I seriously didn't see it coming at all. I checked before i crossed.

If i had just moved half a step faster, u would be seeing me in the papers.

Just that split second.

Wow.

It made me wonder what would have happened if i died.

I have so many unaccomplished tasks.

what a close shave.

Just a little girl in this world, still learning, growing, and experiencing life..
Keeping that little promise and agreement..
trying to be stronger.. ( :

happiness
health
semi-big bag
golden necklace
little miss CLUMSY
more intelligence

forbeautifulwomen

.

photos
Mabel
LZ
Joyce Tan
Fabian
JK
Shaheeda