right now, i just wanna be alone.

i'm lonely,

but things would be much better if they stay continue to stay as they are now.

i wanna be alone.

i don't wanna speak. i don't wanna do. i don't need it.

i wanna be free. free from all these.

one day, one day.

i'm still waiting.

The last lap.

will i ever make it there.

i'm losing it-

the passion, the perserverance, the stamina, the will, the ability.

I wish i could put it all away

just me alone. all alone in one corner.just me.

my heart is aching.

i'm weeping hard inside

nobody knows. nobody knows.

i'm suffering- physically and mentally

but no one knows. no one.

Where is the happiness that i seek?

someone tell me please.

where can i find it.

i'm searching high and low for it.

where is the freedom that i seek.

where...


*it's gone.*

Hi guys! i'm finally back again..after so many days..

Had an unexpected wonderful touching and sweet birthday!!
Thanks to the many who sent msgs and tagged and whatever!! Could say i had an enjoyable time lah..

Well, spent the past two days at the chalet at downtown.. Thanks to my cousin who arranged for it.. Had vege clan to come over to celebrate it for me and had a very simple and touching celebration lah! really really appreciate them...

Somehow i think mab can read my mind..well, sigh. i never should have doubted our relationship-friendship ba.. really.. and vege is my life. they're so important to me.. i can nv imagine how life would be without vege man.. it's seriously wrong for me to doubt our friendship..how silly..

I'll prob have a happy wk ahead, with more celebrations and presents coming up~!! lol.. but really.. reality sets in lah. -knocks myself in the head-

i'll post up some photos agn real soon! seeya guys..

Just came back from celebration of Lantern Fest. Haven done it for years man. Haha..quite fun.
Found a new hangout. super romantic. super cool. I love the beach man.. :))

Sis bought me a new watch!!! so nice. i like. will upload the pic if i can. hee. thanks sis!

Wah..people can really change. haha.

i can officially announce that i hate maths. once again. the phenomenon is back. Welcome.

Terrible. can i blame bush for my bad results? lol. that would be kinda cool. haha..
Horrendous. But yea.. i'm a worn out soldier. Tired man. 6 hrs of paper today..haha.. :)

argh. stupid friendster..can't upload new images. what's wrong man.

Was on the bus when there were 3 indian guys, prob. still feeling the heat from superstar and anugerah, they were singing so loudly on the bus lah. disrupting my rest can. haha. heng they alighted soon after.

And.. i missed my stop cos i overslept for the 2nd consecutive day already. how cool is that.

Hi guys. First day of prelims today. oh well. whatever. life still goes on..

had a hair cut. haha.. cool can.



argh sorry for the bad photography skills. can't be too bothered for now..haha

Sigh..
*ponders*

Life is really meant to be led simply. :)

Hey guys.. Haven't really had time to blog..

Just read mab's blog and found in rather thought-provoking..

When i was young, i used to dream a lot. Literal and non-literal ones.

Well..when i was young, pure and innocent as i was, it seemed so easy to dream, and that i really thought that my dreams would come true. It didn't take me long to understand that dreams don't come true just like that. Especially in Singapore.

Pros and cons to the great almighty Education System in Singapore.
No doubt, it is indeed a well established one. One that many people from all over the globe would strive and work real hard to make it to Singapore through scholarships. Why is it that most of us here, entitled to the entry of this great almighty system gradually grow tired and sick of it while others have to try so much to earn their way through? (well, at least to most i guess)

Ask any young kid. "what would you like to be next time?" You'll probably get a whole varieties of occupations, ranging from nurses, Doctors to Superman..
NOw, ask the same question to young adults. The usual, boring answer (probably answered with the same boring tone too)"I dunno, teacher, entrepreneaur" perhaps.. Why..cos they know dreams aren't that realistic afterall.

You can't afford to dream if you lack the academic qualifications. I agree that to be professional in a particular area of work, one needs to have a minimum knowledge of that subject. But can you safely say that there are no hidden talents amongst those people who lack the academic ability but has the strong passion and interest in that area? For example, would it be absolutely necessary for a person to score A's for his/her results be a good counsellor or a good entrepreneur? I'm sure we have the answer in our hearts.

Like what was mentioned in the previous entry, what are we searching for in life? What do we aim to achieve in our life time? Life is short..do we really just want to follow blindly into the senseless,cold and harsh society? Why are we doing things that aren't bringing us true happiness? Why aren't we in full control of our lives. Can our society be claimed a free and liberal society?

well well well. I can only dream of waking up in time tmr now.

adios.

Friend to tormentor

I have always lived by the sea. It was our friend and provider. But now it frightens me.
Earlier, the sound of the waves were like music to my ears. Now I have nightmares of waves crashing into my home and taking us away. I never knew the sea could be so destructive.

But despite everything, I still love the sea. I am an islander - I can never run too far away from the ocean.

Took from Ying's blog. :)

Business Times
Published October 11, 2003
Young, successful - and in search of a dream

By DANIEL BUENAS

UNHAPPY - that's how I feel as a young Singaporean.

I feel this way not because I'm jobless, poor or uneducated. In fact, I have a good job, a stable income and a good education. By most standards, I should be considered a successful young man.

However, I am slowly realising that the achievements I have been chasing are, perhaps, a chimera. I have sought and yearned for success, when perhaps what I should have been looking for was happiness, or meaning in life.

This is the dilemma that the youth in Singapore face - we cannot reconcile our apparent success with our gnawing dissatisfaction with life, and nobody can tell us why.

What we suffer from is a crisis of the soul.

Young Singaporeans are getting lost in a world in which our worth as human beings is tied to our material, social and physical successes.

However, as we look behind these successes, we often find the faded vestiges of what once were our dreams. Thus, our life's purpose has been drowned in the ocean of practicality.

This distinction between success and happiness was brought home to me recently after the death of a friend. He had passed on suddenly and in the prime of his life, and his death shook me from the stupor of endless days of work.

I realised that I had perhaps neglected my family and friends around me and,in so doing, had lost the true meaning of life.

It is too late now, but if I could speak to my friend one last time, I wouldn't say anything. Instead, I would listen to what he had to say.

Why?

Because Singaporeans are too busy rushing to work, rushing from work and rushing at work. We don't take the time to listen to others.

His death made me reflect on my own life, and the search for happiness.
Sadly, the need to find meaning in life wasn't one of the things I learnt at school. The need for success, however, was.

The desire for success is ingrained in our national psyche, and has been pursued with a fervour that equals - and often surpasses - religious zeal.

From young, we are streamed, labelled and forced into educational moulds, emerging as world-class products of our world-class education system. We graduate equipped to be successful in life.

Yet, I feel that in some way, we are lacking. I was never taught to pursue my dreams. Instead, I was taught to be practical. I chose my field of study, computer science, and my university based on practical considerations. I thought this would eventually lead to success. But success doesn't always translate into happiness.

Perhaps my idealism is brought about by a life that has not known the cruelty of war, or the bitter struggle for survival. Yet, I have met those who hold on to similar ideals, despite going through great suffering.

For instance, I recently interviewed a well-respected academic who spoke at length with me on the virtues of finding meaning and purpose in what we do.

He was no stranger to suffering, having lived through the Japanese occupation, the Communist revolution in China and nearly starving to death as a young boy. After so much hardship, one would expect him to extol the virtues of being practical.

Instead, he spoke of passion, desire, purpose and happiness in what we do.
I found it ironic that it took a senior citizen to point this out to what he called 'a handsome, energetic young man' (what I found even more ironic was his use of the word 'handsome').

Singaporean youth need to learn that our lives are not just about achieving success and that we cannot rely on the government or society to provide us with the reason for our existence. If we do, we will surely come away disillusioned and disappointed.

More than anything, Singaporean youth need to know that the beauty of life lies in fulfilling our own dreams - not someone else's - and that we should not fear pursuing them, whatever they may be. Therein lies our road to happiness.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it: 'The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams'.

The writer is a BT journalist. He is 24.

Just a little girl in this world, still learning, growing, and experiencing life..
Keeping that little promise and agreement..
trying to be stronger.. ( :

happiness
health
semi-big bag
golden necklace
little miss CLUMSY
more intelligence

forbeautifulwomen

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photos
Mabel
LZ
Joyce Tan
Fabian
JK
Shaheeda